Shinji and Asuka's End(s) of Evangelion
by Author0fntent
Summary: In the closing moments of Evangelion's film finale, the Third and Second Children, unsatisfied with the ending, take matters into their own hands.


*Disclaimer: I own nothing of Gainax, Warner Brothers, Paramount, Miramax, or the estate of Busby Berkeley. I just enjoy what they've put out.*

The scene picked up from the very final moments of _End of Evangelion_. Shinji, after nearly strangling Asuka, finally broke down into tears and cried into her. Asuka only uttered one word:

"Disgusting."

Shinji (having lost his somber tone): "Disgusting" is right-[looks up at the sky for a moment] what the hell kind of an ending is this?!

Both Shinji and Asuka stood up and dusted themselves off, with Asuka shedding her arm bandages and losing the 'makeup' that gave her the appearance of a damaged eye, revealing herself to be fine and healthy.

Asuka: For once, I agree-I mean seriously, what the hell? This whole thing was like Uwe Boll ripping off Tommy Wiseau ripping off M. Knight Shyamalan ripping off David Lynch!

Shinji: And some of the things I did-that was the sorriest direction I've ever been given. It's like they had George's downfall in the "Contest" episode take a darker turn! What was with that? JEEZ-US.

Asuka: I mean really, even the two of us could come up with a better ending than this.

Hideaki Anno (off-screen): Oh, is that so? [Both Shinji and Asuka look our way.] I'd like to see you try.

Shinji: All right, we will.

Asuka: And it'll work!

Anno: Very well then-have at it. [Sounds of him getting up and leaving the room are heard.]

Shinji: Okay, this is now on us-how do you want to end it?

Asuka: Hmmm...How about we try the _Casablanca_ ending?

Shinji: All right.

The scene then shifted to a Moroccan airfield in black-and-white, as Shinji and Asuka, dressed like Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman, stood at the staircase leading to the plane.

Shinji (sounding a bit Bogart-ish): If that plane leaves the ground and you're not on it, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, but tomorrow and for the rest of your life.

Asuka: But what about us?

Shinji: We'll always have the _Over The Rainbow_. Here's lookin' at you, kid.

With that, Asuka headed onto the plane, which then took off as Shinji looked on. A very much alive Misato, dressed in a 40's British military uniform, showed up at Shinji's side. The two then started walking off into the night fog.

Misato (in a British accent): It might be a good idea for you to disappear from Tokyo-3 for a little while. There's a garrison over in Kyoto-2. I could be induced to arrange passage for you.

Shinji: Misato, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship...

Shinji turned around after hearing the sound of a parachute cord being pulled, just in time to see Asuka parachuting down and landing on the field right next to him.

Asuka: Okay, I admit it, this might be a bit too old-fashioned for my tastes.

Shinji: I'm with you-also, it's a bit stuffy in this trench coat.

Asuka: So what now?

Shinji: Uh...How about the _High Fidelity_ ending? It hasn't been done in a while.

Asuka: Well...Sure, why not?

The scene then shifted again, this time to Rob Gordon's apartment, with Shinji dressed like John Cusack.

Shinji [looking to the camera]: The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do. It takes ages longer than it might seem. You gotta kick it off with a killer to grab attention. Then you gotta take it up a notch. But you don't want to blow your wad. So then you gotta cool it off a notch. There are a lot of rules. Anyway, I've started to make a tape, in my head, for Asuka. ["I Believe (When I Fall in Love It Will Be Forever)" by Stevie Wonder starts playing.] Full of stuff she'd like. Full of stuff that'd make her happy. For the first time I can sorta see how that's done.

Shinji then put on his headphones and pressed play on the stereo as he began mentally making his list, while the screen faded to black.

The song was then interrupted by Asuka.

Asuka: I dunno...This one seems a bit anticlimactic.

Shinji [reappearing next to Asuka]: Eh, I thought it'd be nice considering it ends on a hopeful note.

Asuka: Why DID you choose this ending, anyway?

Shinji: It's my favorite movie. I kinda saw a bit of myself in Cusack's performance.

Asuka: Still, I don't think this is the right ending.

Shinji: I kinda get what you mean. Back to the drawing board then.

Shinji and Asuka then both went silent as they started pondering their next option. Shinji then had a lightbulb go off...

Shinji: I got it! How's this sound-a combination Monty Python/Busby Berkeley ending?

Asuka: The Berkeley ending I get, but what's with the Monty Python half?

Shinji: You did see _Life of Brian_, right?

Asuka:...Ooooohhh. All right, I'll try-what's the worst that can happen?

The scene then shifted right back to where we first left Shinji and Asuka, with the former weeping in the arms of the latter, after she had said her 'Disgusting' line.

Off-screen voice (in a slight British accent): Aw, cheer up, mates!

A surprised Shinji and Asuka then look to the source of that voice, and see an alive and well Rei, dressed like a Rockette, complete with a top hat, coattails, a cane, and tap shoes.

Shinji: Uh-Rei? How are you alive?

Asuka: And why do you sound so...Happy? And English?

Rei: You know what they say? [She begins to sing.]

_Some things in life are bad._

_They can really make you mad._

_Other things just make you swear and curse._

_When you're chewin' on life's gristle,_

_DON'T grumble, give a whistle!_

_And this'll help things turn out for the best._

_And..._

_Always look on the bright side of life!_ *Whistles*

_Always look on the light side of life!_ *Whistles*

Rei:

_If life seems jolly rotten,_

_There's something you've forgotten!_

_And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing,_

_When you're feeling in the dumps,_

_Don't be silly chumps,_

_Just purse your lips and whistle-that's the thing!_

[Rei taps the two with her cane, transforming their clothes into garb similar to hers.]

Rei:

_So always look on the bright side of life_ *Whistles*

Come on! [Shinji and Asuka, smiling and encouraged, join in the song-and-dance.]

All:

_Always look on the bright side of life_ *Whistles*

Rei:

_When you're stuck on the world stage,_

_With some loonies half your age,_

_And everything is starting to go wrong._

_It's too late to run away_ [Rei playfully elbows Shinji at this remark],

_so you might as well just stay,_

_Especially when they play your silly song!_

All:

_And always look on the bright side of life_ *Whistles*

[Soon more folks, from Misato, Ritsuko and Kaji to the Bridge Bunnies to Toji, Kensuke and Hikari to Pen-Pen and a group of identical penguins, appear on 'stage' and join in the number.]

_Always look on the right side of life_ *Whistles*

Rei:

_For life is quite absurd,_

_And death's the final word._

_You must always face the curtain with a bow!_

_Forget about your sin-give the audience a grin,_

All:

_Enjoy it, it's the last chance anyhow!_

All:

_So always look on the bright side of death!_

[The feet of the fallen EVA's sway along to the beat.]

_Just before you draw your terminal breath._

Rei:

_Life's a piece of _[a small explosion in the background gives her a start]_,_

_When you look at it._

_Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true,_

_You'll see it's all a show,_

_Keep 'em laughing as you go._

All:

_Just remember that the last laugh is on you!_

_And always look on the bright side of life_

_Always look on the bright side of life_

Rei: Come on guys, cheer up

_[Always look on the right side of life]_

_[Always look on the bright side of life]_

Shinji: Worse things happen at sea, you know?

_[Always look on the bright side of life]_

Asuka: I mean, what have you got to lose?

You know, you come from nothing,

you're going back to nothing,

What have you lost? Nothing!

_[Always look on the bright side of life]_

Misato: Nothing'll come from nothing, you know what they say?

_[Always look on the bright side of life]_

Ritsuko: Cheer up, you old bugger! Come on, give us a grin!

_[Always look on the bright side of life]_

Shinji: There you are! See? End of the film! Incidentally, this album's available in the lobby...

The fanfic author then looked down at his final page and went over it once more. Then twice more. Then a few more times. Finally, he came to a decision:

"Eh, screw it-I'll give 'em the _Freakazoid!_ ending."

The author then proceeded to put his thoughts down to paper...

We come back to the scene where we originally left Shinji and Asuka, he weeping and her having just said "Disgusting". A red curtain then falls on the scene, as an audience begins their round of applause. Shinji, Asuka, and Rei then appear from behind the curtain, waving and taking their bows, then turning to one another for a quick hug.

Shinji: Well, ladies and gentlemen, that's our last show for the series. I'd like to show a special amount of appreciation and thank my beautiful co-stars, Asuka Langley Sohryu and Rei Ayanami!

[The applause and cheers continue as Asuka blushes while Rei claps.]

Asuka: Same to you, Shinji-kun! And remember, people, even though you'll want to, don't bother attempting to read into these events too much.

Rei: You'll burn a lot of daylight trying.

Shinji: We'd also like to thank all our supporting cast, starting with Misato, Ritsuko and Kaji!

[The three come onstage, waving.]

Asuka: Let's show some appreciation for the bridge bunnies, Makoto, Maya and Shigeru!

[The three techs enter stage right as they wave.]

Rei: And of course we can't forget Pen Pen, and our classmates Toji, Kensuke and Hikari!

[The quartet enter stage left while waving.]

Asuka: A series is only as good as its villains, reluctant or not, so without further ado...

Shinji: Let's hear it for my father Gendo, Kozo Fuyutsuki, and Kaworu "Tabris" Nagisa!

[The three enter stage right.]

Rei: Finally, let's give it up for the literal biggest stars of the show, EVAs 00, 01, and 02!

[The curtain pulls back to show the fully intact EVAs taking their bows.]

Shinji [arm on Asuka's waist, with hers on his]: And now, *sniff* before we go [wipes away a small tear]...

Asuka: We'd *sniff* like to leave you all with this thought...

The music then begins as all on stage start singing:

_We'll meet again,_

_don't know where,_

_don't know when,_

_but I know we'll meet again some sunny day!_

Pen Pen [teary-eyed]: WAAARRKK! [Translation: CRUD!]

_Keep smiling through,_

_Just like you always do._

_Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away._

[EVA-00 blows its 'nose' hard into a handkerchief.]

Shinji: _So will you please say hello, to the folks that I know, tell them I won't be loooooonnng._

Asuka: _They'll be happy to know, that as you saw me go..._

Rei:_ I was siiiiiinnng-ing this song._ Every-body!

All:

_We'll meet again,_

_don't know where,_

_don't know when,_

_but I know we'll meet again some sunny day!_

The audience roared with cheers and applause as fireworks then went off, bringing the show to a close.


End file.
